I've got to go ahead and preface this post with the fact that I am about to get VERY real and VERY honest. So honest, in fact, that I've literally left this post in my draft file for almost 2 weeks now, debating whether I should even open this can of worms. However, with recent conversations I've had with other moms, I decided to go ahead and pull the trigger... So bear with me. :) In the few short weeks that I have been a mom, I have experienced a wide variety of emotions. Extreme love for my sweet girl. Extreme frustration with my sweet girl (hey, like I said - honesty is important!). Extreme tiredness, pride, happiness, guilt... pretty much name it and I've felt it. On top of all that, I've found the pressure put on a mom, let alone a new mom, is absolutely ridiculous. Not only are we vulnerable due to our lack of sleep, our out-of-whack hormones, and our changing bodies, we also are faced with criticism from our peers. Wait, what? Yep, I said it. More often than not, I think a mom's worst enemy is none other than other moms.
We all want good things for our babies. We want them to grow and develop, and to experience a better world than we know it often to be. We all have the same ultimate goal in mind - to raise loving, moral adults who are productive members of society. And there are hundreds of different ways to get these precious babies there. Do I think that is dependent upon whether we co-sleep or put them in a crib from day one? Not one bit. Is it dependent on whether they are breastfed or formula fed, on a schedule or just let go with the flow? Doubtful. Yet so often we see another mom who is choosing to get her beautiful baby to that ultimate goal in a different way than we ourselves choose and we think "oh wow,
I would never do that to
my child." (Are you getting my tone here??) Let's be honest (again - theme for this post I think :) ), we've all thought that at one point or another. I'm guilty of it, I can tell you that for sure. One of my biggest soapboxes since welcoming my sweet girl into the world is being supportive of other moms. Out of everybody in this world, don't we understand each other's joys and frustrations best? Since becoming a mom, here are my top 4 things that have made me want to slap someone in the face - hey, a little humor people!
- "Don't you just love being a mom? It's the best job in the world!" - When your baby is screaming at the top of her lungs in Target or blowing out of her clothes all onto the bright green carpet in the Dillards dressing room, no it is not the best job in the world. How much guilt have I felt for feeling like I have to plaster on a smile and say "of course it is!" when all I want to do is cry, drink a route 44 strawberry dr. pepper, and get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Don't get me wrong, motherhood is one of the most amazing things I've ever experienced, but it's also by far the most challenging. Hadley teaches me each day what it truly means to be selfless and love somebody more than I ever thought possible. I find myself being more and more amazed, and more and more in love with her every single day. But no, at 1 am when she has been fighting sleep for the past 4 hours, I wish I could hire a nanny and roll over and go to sleep.
- "My (enter age of child younger than your child) week old just slept through the night! She/he is the best!" - Well pin a rose on your nose. Enough said.
- "When are you due?" - This was said to me 1 week after my sweet Hadley was born. My mom had come over to take a shift so I could get out and stretch my legs a little while grocery shopping, I must admit, I was feeling pretty good. Look at me - 1 week old baby, starting to fit into my old shorts again, looking/feeling good, I thought. Well, what fun to be asked in Sprouts halfway through my shopping trip, "Oh when are you due?". I wanted to cry. No one should EVER. EVER ask a woman that, even if she is 42 weeks pregnant and about to pop. If she's not offering up the info, don't go looking for it! The pressure for a new mom to look good on top of healing from a pretty intense experience and caring for another human being is ridiculous! Anybody notice the crazyness surrounding Duchess Kate's "mummy tummy" leaving the hospital? What do you expect!! She just pushed an almost 9 pound child out of her body.
- "You are breastfeeding, right??" This is honestly the hardest one for me to be completely honest about. I went into motherhood with the full intention of exclusively breastfeeding until she was a year old. However, things change when your baby loses a lot of weight coming out of the hospital and can't seem to gain it back. Despite feeding her as often as she needed, pumping, etc... I just couldn't seem to do it on my own. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was decide to supplement with some formula on top of breastfeeding. I made Ricky give her bottles at first because I felt like I was failing her. And you know what doesn't help? When people ask that question or look at you judgmentally when you are feeding your child out of a bottle or getting some formula ready when in public. I really had to convince myself that a little breastmilk was better than none at all, and that the primary goal of Hadley gaining weight and being nourished was being accomplished. Another mom posted on facebook the other day that she overheard a new mom talking to her mom on the phone saying "I just don't know why he is up half the night and won't sleep!" My facebook friend said she wanted to tell her "well, maybe it has something to do with that 44 ounce coke you are drinking right there!". Why are we always so quick to judge what others are doing? Maybe that girl was using formula. Maybe that was the first ounce of caffeine she had had since her baby had been born. Moral is, we just don't know what other moms are dealing with!
A friend posted
this article on Facebook last week during national breastfeeding week and I thought it was such a breath of fresh air from all of the negativity that is associated with formula feeding babies. A brief bit from the article:
"We are standing together, and we’re asking you to stand up with us. You, at the La Leche League meeting. You, in the lactation consultant’s office, perfecting your newborn’s latch. You, in the Nordstrom’s dressing room, nursing quietly on the couch. You, at your older son’s baseball game, nursing openly in the bleachers. You, who have cried rivers of tears over your feeding choices, and you, who chose without fear.
I support you.
You, in your hospital gown, asking the nurses for formula. You, shaking a bottle with one arm while your baby snuggles close in the other. You, who have researched the healthiest, most tummy-friendly formulas. You, who pump and mix and combo-feed. You, who have cried rivers of tears over your feeding choices, and you, who chose without fear.
I support you.
You, with your husband, as you feed the baby that you are hoping to adopt. You, who had a mastectomy and are locking eyes with new life. You, who chose your mental health, or your physical health, or your freedom, or your lack of freedom, so that you could feed your baby in a way that protected both of you. You, the Daddy who is finger-feeding your infant. You, the Mommy who lovingly pours formula into a G-Tube. You, at the NICU, pumping your breasts by the light of the machines that are keeping your baby alive. You, with the foster child who you are loving back to health. We see you. You are a part of this conversation too.
We support you."
So moms, lets get out there and be each others' biggest cheerleaders. Let's put our differences aside and start supporting each other, since sometimes a little support is all that will get us through a sleepless night, a child continuously latched onto our boobs, and those pesky growth spurts (can I get an amen?!)
